{"product_id":"root-sky-throat-neck-salve","title":"Kootenay Woman Root \u0026 Sky Throat \u0026 Neck Salve | Castor Oil, St. John's Wort \u0026 Black Spruce Resin","description":"\u003ch3\u003eWhat is Root \u0026amp; Sky Salve?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA warming aromatic chest and neck rub for cold season. Infused with stimulating roots and opening aromatics, it comforts when massaged onto the neck and chest. Apply liberally. Reapply as needed. Try not to overthink it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eKey Ingredients \u0026amp; Their \u003cem\u003eHighly Scientific\u003c\/em\u003e Cosmetic Benefits\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e🌿 \u003cstrong\u003eCastor Oil\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/em\u003e The vegetable world's answer to duct tape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/em\u003e \"Promotes a \u003cem\u003eglossy finish\u003c\/em\u003e on your life's canvas (and skin)\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eTraditional use:\u003c\/em\u003e The reason your great-aunt's eyebrows survived the 70s\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e🌞 \u003cstrong\u003eSt. John's Wort (Solar-Infused)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/em\u003e Sunshine in oil form (if sunshine was also a nervous herbalist)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/em\u003e \"Adds a \u003cem\u003egolden glow\u003c\/em\u003e to your external existential crisis zone\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eRegulatory footnote:\u003c\/em\u003e \"May or may not have been whispered about in medieval moonlit gardens\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e🌲 \u003cstrong\u003eBlack Spruce Resin\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/em\u003e Liquid Canadian forest nostalgia\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/em\u003e \"For when you want to smell like a \u003cem\u003every grounded\u003c\/em\u003e tree hugger\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e🌼 \u003cstrong\u003eCalendula (Solar-Infused)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/em\u003e The garden's equivalent of a comforting pat on the hand\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/em\u003e \"Adds a \u003cem\u003esuspiciously cheerful\u003c\/em\u003e yellow hue to your solemn self-care rituals\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e🪵 \u003cstrong\u003eCopaiba Resin\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/em\u003e The Amazon's answer to \"just relax, okay?\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/em\u003e \"Provides an \u003cem\u003eexotic backstory\u003c\/em\u003e for your skincare routine\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e🌱 \u003cstrong\u003eRosemary\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/em\u003e The herb that says \"I'm sophisticated\" while secretly being basic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cem\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/em\u003e \"For that \u003cem\u003eI-just-returned-from-a-Tuscan-villa\u003c\/em\u003e aura (even if it's just your bathroom)\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eHow to Use (With Plausible Deniability)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003col\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eApply to neck while murmuring \u003cem\u003e\"this is just moisturiser\"\u003c\/em\u003e to any nearby regulators\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eReapply when:\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMercury is in retrograde\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYour therapist says \"interesting\" in that tone\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYou need an excuse to leave awkward conversations (\u003cem\u003e\"Sorry, my… neck salve is calling\"\u003c\/em\u003e)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eDisclaimer (The \"We Read the Fine Print So You Don't Have To\" Edition)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\"This is a cosmetic product. Any resemblance to unapproved therapeutic uses is purely coincidental, poetic, or the result of your overactive imagination. Not evaluated by Health Canada. If you experience unexpected tranquility or life insights, please attribute them to literally anything else (like that meditation app you forgot to cancel).\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eLAB RESULTS \u003cem\u003e(A Totally Legit \u0026amp; Not-at-All Made-Up Scientific Breakdown)\u003c\/em\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTested For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMoisturisation\u003c\/strong\u003e — \"Surpassed 100% of placebo creams made from expired regrets\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAesthetic Vibes\u003c\/strong\u003e — \"Scored 11\/10 on the 'Is This Witchcraft or Just Good Botanicals?' scale\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRegulatory Compliance\u003c\/strong\u003e — \"Contains 0% hope, 0% promises, and 100% legally-vague poetic licence\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eKey Findings:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e83% of users\u003c\/strong\u003e reported feeling \u003cem\u003evaguely ceremonial\u003c\/em\u003e while applying\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e47%\u003c\/strong\u003e admitted using it as an excuse to touch their neck thoughtfully in public\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e100% of lawyers\u003c\/strong\u003e confirmed: \"This is why we drink\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eQUALITY ASSURANCE GUARANTEE\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"We solemnly swear this salve:\u003cbr\u003e\n✓ Contains no actual magic (just suspiciously well-chosen herbs)\u003cbr\u003e\n✓ Will not turn you into a wellness influencer (unless that's your thing)\u003cbr\u003e\n✓ Is definitely, absolutely, unquestionably \u003cem\u003ejust for dry skin\u003c\/em\u003e\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eFor Legal Purposes: This is satire. For Spiritual Purposes: The truth is whatever you believe, bb.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Kootenay Woman","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47642266730749,"sku":"47671833985266","price":27.0,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0567\/1590\/3150\/files\/root-sky-throat-neck-salve-1495971.jpg?v=1780508453","url":"https:\/\/lovelocalproducts.com\/en-ca\/products\/root-sky-throat-neck-salve","provider":"Love Local Products","version":"1.0","type":"link"}